Saturday, 29 September 2012

Why Team India should watch out for Pakistan?




BEWARE TEAM INDIA! The Pakistani team’s evilness is now surfacing. This frightening team has been working very hard at their training camps and are coming up with wicked plans to dismantle and mentally break the Indian team.

Firstly the Pakistani team has been practicing the art of cricket using the most evil material known on earth – the ‘kaala pathar’.  Have you heard about this legendary ‘kaala pathar’? If not, how can you not know about this ominous, deadly menacing piece of pure evil?

The black stone was the discovery of a TV channel, called India TV, world famous in the entire of India. Check out what they have to say about it:



Did you watch that? Do you feel the vibes of vice? Don’t you see how pure nasty this team is – using such a horrible material to practise their bowling and batting upon? The video might be published prior to the World Cup semi-final in Mohali but these dangers always exist and it’s the responsibility of responsible media to address it to its viewers.

The semi-final at Mohali was on 30th March 2011 and the T20 match is on 30th September 2012. It’s been precisely 18 months and Pakistani team has been preparing with this marble tile. Imagine how skillful they now must be! So agile that they now can easily harm the Indian batsmen – yes, that is what their intention is. This too was found out by the world renowned, trustworthy ‘India TV’ – Pakistani players want to break the heads of the poor Indian cricketers. Check it all out here:



Pakistan also specializes in expletives, something for which they have underground camps for sure. And since their expletives are strictly in Urdu, they can’t use those with any other team so it all comes out against India. They rehearse playing mind games upon the Indian batsmen time and again, and will unleash their mastery in the upcoming T20 match.

Here is a brief clip of how bad they can get: But before you watch this, let me notify you that this clip may contain content scenes of extreme violence and coarse language and is not suitable for younger children. Viewer discretion is advised:



How malicious can these 11 players get?  With all these tricks up their sleeves, the Indian team should be on their toes. They should stay away from this bunch, let alone trusting them with anything. And why not? Dhoni has made this mistake before – in the 2009 champions’ trophy match where India’s qualification depended on Pakistan vs Australia, which Pakistan could not win and as a result the Indian team went crashing out of the tournament.



All these head breaking, ball biting, toe crushing, stump shattering, trust breaking, ball tampering and chucking players  who with all their internal politics, board issues and match fixing problems, only have one agenda in life – to destroy the Indian team. 

But don’t worry! Not everything is against India. The Indian media and television channels are doing their best to encourage and push Team India into believing in themselves, but also believing that the forces are with them. They did some research some time back too which allegedly worked wonders on the confidence of a few members of the coaching staff.



Just like that ‘shanivar’, the hard working media team is trying to research and broadcast how this Sunday, or the day of ‘ravivar’ is going to be a blessed one.

Also the team also does not need a Ra One or Krissh to do some superhero work. Team India’s preparations are also already under way to counter the threats. The team’s acting coach and dance teacher, Monsieur Ranbir Kapoor, has also become the team psychologist and has been investing time in teaching them how to play this format with ‘badtameezi’ and drinking pepsi. Worst comes to worst, he has already specialized in the ‘ooper cut’ which he taught Sehwag and can come down and bat if required.

Dhoni too pulled off a smart move by calling Zaheer Khan, the Sachin of Indian bowling. Now why is that a smart move?

For those of you who remember watching the semi-final at Mohali, they will remember how Sachin was respected by the Pakistani players – so much that he was let go by 4 Pakistani fielders and once by the ugly DRS. Everybody loves and respects Sachin; even Pakistanis – with the mere exception of Shoaib Akhtar, who thinks Sachin is afraid of him (how dare he write that in his book? That's horrendous and is punishable by the Blasphemy law). So if Zaheer is the Sachin of Indian bowling, the law of induction states that the Pakistani team will treat him with respect, so he is bound to have a good game.

Worst case, India can always call upon the services of their forever upcoming bowler – Atul Sharma – who is said to be the fastest bowler in the world. Lightning quick and strong, he works out like a monster and can be unleashed in such a high profile match. (If you don’t know who he is, please Youtube him).

Team Pakistan might be a much worse villain than Darth Vader, Voldemort, Hannibal Lecter, Sauron, all combined but team India is ready to bring out their best against them. And the media, the news channels are also in support of team India. Even in the case of defeat, they give valuable feedback in return.



[Please NOTE: This is not written to ridicule the Indian team in any way, but the sole purpose of this piece is to tell how major a role, the media plays in such a rivalry. Bleed blue or green - we all love India vs Pakistan matches. May the best team win this Sunday.]

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